The Illusion of Options

New shoes. New lipstick. A new lover.

Someone to hold you while you drift off to sleep in a drunken trance.

But then everything looks different in the morning light.

Scars look severe and angles don’t look soft anymore, the way they did on that dimly lit dance floor.

It is then that you know that you deserve better and so does this person you barely know. They deserve better than someone who’s only just clinging on to the bones on their body with glue made out of cheap booze and half-smoked cigarettes.
The illusion of “better” though. The illusion of options.

This vain thought that maybe someone better will come along. A new person is a new high. It is not better people you are craving.  It is the high of being loved by someone new, because it becomes harder and harder for you to believe that someone who actually took the time to know you, could love you.

That someone who knows the little quirks about you could be simultaneously in love and annoyed with you. It becomes inconceivable to you that as the layers you created around yourself slowly peeled off, this person still stuck around. You suddenly feel raw, vulnerable and terrified. It dawns on you that you’ve let your guard down and it is only a matter of time before they invade your soul and destroy you. Like the people in the past did. No. You can’t let this happen yet again. It is now time to wear all the layers, and become all new and shiny for a new and shiny person. It’ll be wonderful I swear, at least up until the time the layers start to wear off.

And yet there is that tiny little part of you that whispers every time you meet someone new: maybe this will be the love that’ll hook my heart and change everything. Maybe this time. Maybe this time.

 

Our Almost Love

We could’ve been something.

Today I can’t even say

You were once mine.

We had something, didn’t we?

Heady, intoxicating, real.

Like good wine.

What did we have?

An almost relationship,

Almost love?

Wasn’t everything a sign?

Our almosts and what-ifs

I now lay to rest.

This poem, is the shrine.

– NRK

To Keep You Warm

While you are fast asleep
In another part of the world
Surrounded by hills
And enveloped by cold winds
I’m sending you sweet dreams
I’m sending you warmth, my sweet
Kisses and cuddles
Sighs and sweet nothings
I’m sending you me
To keep you warm
© Neha Kapoor

To read more click here.

 

First kisses

Whiskey breath.
Sweet nothings.
First kisses.
Trying to know each other.
Trying to fit in to the puzzle.
Trying to be the missing link.
The missing link
to happiness,
to love,
to ecstasy.
Eyes that spell desire.
The craving for your skin.
The longing for rapture.
Captivated. Eager. Thirsty.
All said through a
whiskey breath,
sweet nothings,
a first kiss.

 

© Neha Kapoor

To read more click here.

 

I thought of you today

I thought of you today.

Not who you are now. I probably don’t know anything about the you now.

I thought of who you were to me. The one I wrote long love letters to. The one I cried with on the phone when we couldn’t meet for months. The one whose heart I broke.

I think breaking your heart broke me. Or maybe I was always broken and yet, you loved every piece. Tenderly kissed every fragment. You had to know it’ll cut, didn’t you? I think you always knew loving me is going to hurt you but you did it anyway.

I owe you a lot. I owe you what I learned about love. You taught me how to love even when it is painful. I hate you for that, by the way.

I thought of you today. Because I think our love never died.